07.2021 July

Findon Gentlemen’s Cycling Club rides in July 2021

Saturday 3rd July 08.00am rides

PT, MA, JR, AM, ZA on various routes/times
The TM’s weekend kicked off with a home visit to Mr Avery’s bike over in Angmering, and in about 10 minutes both sets of brake pads were replaced.  The Turbo twins then set off over Highdown and the Gallops for Findon, arriving just within the ten minute window to meet with JR.  In the absence of the CCTV (more of whom later), JR manfully stepped up to perform the necessary faffing.  The pelethree set off up to Cissbury at 08:11.  A short three peaks ride was agreed, as JR was under unspecified time pressure.  From Cissbury, north under grey skies to Chanctonbury then across the A24 and up to High Barn.  South past Puckamuck corner and along Collarbone Lane (saluting the JR memorial as we passed) and across Long Furlong to climb Church Hill.  Drizzle.  Carefully down Church Hill for a vt session over brek at Roger’s Farm.  JR set off back to World HQ (having done not three peaks but four), while PT and MA set off up Church Hill to return to Angmering via the Monarch’s Way and APE:
JR’s route (10.6 miles):

Turbo twins route (23.7 miles & 2,293ft):

Over in Welsh Wales, ZA rode en famille (but it still counts) to represent the FGCC on the Gower.  He writes:
“Starting from Nicholaston Farm (Penmaen, SA3 2HL), took A4118 E for 1.6 mls before turning L up to Lunnon and Ilston; R on B4271 at Bryncoch Farm, next L North to Cilonen, W then SW crossing Welsh Moor to join B4271 just E of its jn with B4295: W to pass Oldwalls, L fork towards Stembridge, L to pass Fairyhill (Hotel) before joining road to Reynoldston. L to join Gower Way over Cefn Bryn, and thence back to Nicholaston Fm via Penmaen. c. 2hrs 30 mins, I guess c. 16 mls(?) (Plotaroute 16.6 miles & 1,440ft)
Despite the absence of the CCTV, Andy managed to stay dry during a Sussex Sunday seaside search for coffee, possibly with mixed success.
In his words “To the seafront via Tarring and Grand Avenue. East to coffee Dave’s who wasn’t there. Turned west and proceeded to Climping beach via Ferring A259 Littlehampton. Returned to Littlehampton via West Beach, cafe open but queue ridiculous.
Back to LA seafront East Beach cafe closed. Returned to Worthing to Steyne Gardens and met Shirley at the Worthing Freewheel Food and Fun Festival. Home via The Half Brick, Broadwater A27 and Findon Valley. Through the village via Nepcote and back via the A24. Cateye says 41 miles. Didn’t get wet. Result!” (Plotaroute 39miles & 846ft)
Strava records both CB and RK as having been out running about.  Perhaps a crowdfunding appeal is needed to raise funds for therapy to break this compulsion, or to fix their obviously broken bikes.  No report as yet from RT, clearly still suffering from a football-induced hangover (it’s coming home, you know.  When it gets here perhaps it will go to its room for a quiet lie down, and give us all a rest.)
Bling table is filling up nicely.  So far in 238 individual rides we have covered a total of 6,328.5 miles, which if laid end to end would get one of us to Siberia.

Saturday 10th July 08.00am ride

JR, RK, PT, RT + AM & ZA on road routes.

Amberley loop + brek at the garden centre chosen in view of forecasted heavy downpours later in the morning and planning to get to the garden centre by 11.00am.

AM set off for a return route to the fort at Shoreham with no doubt a couple of coffee stops along the way.

Team chaplain set off towards Arundel and then further west on a pastoral care mission.

The main peloton followed the familiar Amberley route via Muntham, SDW and the vineyards and back with no notable events, finishing the ride via Collarbone Alley and Church Hill. The most notable event of the ride was that the peloton arrived at Findon Garden Centre at almost exactly the same time as Mr Mead. Probably also worth noting that we were spared any rain even without the presence of Team Chaplain. (Total 18miles & 1,582 ft)

Andy’s route: Rode to Shoreham Fort and back via Ferring both ways and back to The garden centre for a fine brek with the rest of the peloton. Back at OPG cateye informed me I had completed 30.4 miles

Zach’s expedition: (road bike) -> A280 (Long Furlong), Coldharbour/France Lane/Arundel Rd, Patching; A 27 cycle path Hammerpot – Poling – Crossbush; A27 towards Arundel, The Causeway/High St/Tarrant St, Arundel; Ford Rd (4 trains at level crossing by Ford Station!); Ford Lane, R towards Walberton, L immediately after level crossing to follow Lake(?) Lane -> Barnham; Eastergate – Westergate (just 3 trains this time!) – Lidsey – Shripney – Bersted St; R on Chichester Rd, L Hawthorn Rd, L on Nyewood Lane, R Nelson Rd to reach my destination – Crescenta Walk, Bognor PO21 2YA (c.10.05)

Dep PO21 2YA c.13.30 – Westingway, Richmond Rd W, Aldwick Rd, Esplanade – Gloucester Rd – High Street – Bognor Rd – Upper Bognor Rd –  Sea Rd, Felpham – Vicarage Lane – Limmer Lane – Summerly Lane – A259 (Felpham Way; Middleton Rd, L Yapton Rd, A259 to Littlehampton; cycle path nr Tesco through Lineside Industrial Estate and then parallel to A259; Worthing Rd, Rustington – L nr Windmill pub – past Sainsburys – Heathfield Rd etc to E Preston level crossing; A259 cycle path to Durrington R’abt; Salvington Rd/Hill and thence back to Findon (c.15.20)

c.35-40(?) mls

Saturday 17th July 08.00am ride


A hot sunny day in prospect but various reasons prevented others from turning out. Henfield brek proposed, but with return via Llama lane to satisfy the suicidal wishes of the Flying Brit.

MA had arrived with arms lacerated and bloodied by the undergrowth on the ridge above Long Furlong.

Cissbury car park round to Langmead, down the Bostal and on to the Downslink and to Henfield.

During the brek conversation turned to ancestry and a question as to whether one of MA’s Booth ancestors might have been the founder of the Salvation Army. Other spurious connections with famous persons of the past were offered by RT and ZA, before the question was put to KBS as to whether he had looked into his family history. We were informed that, whilst he didn’t believe it, someone in the family had claimed that they were descended to King Knud (aka Canute),  causing much merriment and RT to comment that it explained everything. MA had a mouthful at the time and almost choked whilst trying to say the same. What can one say but TAMITS.

Return route via Partridge Green, Dial Post, Chanctonbury Ring Rd, Llama Lane and Stable Lane. Total 25.3 miles and 1,740 ft (MA total 37.2 miles and 3,039 ft).

TAMITS: KBS admission that he is descended from King Knud

AM’s report:

My friend Kevin( not Turvey) arrived a bit late to join you all so we repaired to Shoreham as a pelotwo via the valley, various Worthing back streets and the seafront. Bacon rolls and large capuccinos were consumed in the sunshine before returning again via the seafront to GeorgeV

Avenue and up through W.Worthing Tarring and Findon Valley home. 21 miles on my cateye were recorded which was quite enough for Kevin as his only other ride in the last 2 and a half years was a Tour Of Bristol with me last August.

JR’s report:

I hope that my weekend efforts may count towards the bling. Although unable to join the peloton on Saturday morning (claiming as my excuse the fact that  I had ridden 50 miles the previous day), I found that by the afternoon alcoholic lubrication had reached the parts that normally only the club TA specialises in aerating and so took off for Barns Green (Sumner Ponds camp site) where the club nurse had taken the World HQ ambulance for the weekend with #1 daughter.
A route via the barn on the SDW, Sullington, then tarmac to Warminghurst, off-piste to the B2133 and beyond, then sheer tarmac to Broomers Corner, Whitehall – Sussex not London (I didn’t get that lost), Shipley – Sussex not Yorkshire (I didn’t get that lost), Southwater (I did get that lost) and then to Barns Green, returning via Dragon’s Green and then faithfully following the original outbound route.
Distance: 35 miles (as I did get a bit lost)
Elevations: Two hills whose parents weren’t tied together in matrimonial bliss (an oxymoron if ever there were one) and three Mother-in laws (hills that went on-and-on).
BTW as well as representing the club I also went there to try and fix the TV. Wrong move ….. As I failed miserably and my alternative suggestion that they spend the evening reading ‘improving books’ having been unenthusiastically received I left!   The weekend has since been referred to not as :”the weekend that John manfully cycled 35 miles in blistering heat so that we could watch some $h!* on TV”, but rather as: “the weekend that John showed up for one hour, buggered up the TV, mainlined all the home made cake and bu@@ered off (sorry, went home) again”. The moral of the story: Next time send Mark.

Saturday 24th July 08.00am ride

KBS, MA, PT, JR, TK with ZA & AM part time.

MA had driven over from Angmering because he had forgotten to charge his battery giving RT the hope that the target of a drained e-bike battery could be achieved. JR was itching to cycle through home turf of Worthing whilst KBS was itching to get to the hills. Should we to to “Mark’s favourite cafe” on the seafront? Discounted as being too soon into a ride and we settled on the Shoreham Airport cafe initially via Cissbury and the golf course.

Setting off the route changed to going via Lancing clump as we hadn’t ridden in that direction for some time. Down to the airport and the Hummingbird Cafe for an excellent brek. ZA parted company prior to the brek but route not known.

During the brek we were informed that Mr Mead had made his way to Teddy’s thinking that we might be there – apparently a late departure due to a “Three bilges” event that put the whole of School Hill on alert. We then headed off via the footbridge to Shoreham to meet up with AM for a ride along the seafront. AM wanting his second coffee-stop at “Daves” the peleton mostly joined him but RT & KBS wanted to head home going via WW then Mill Lane and to Tolmare for KBS and Church Hill for RT. Main peloton returned via WW and the gallops. Total 21.3 and 1,127ft for RT/KBS and 20miles and 842ft for the main peloton.

Saturday 31st July 08.00am ride

31 July was a day of many barkles (barkles cannot happen at night – they are a daytime phenomenon, that’s why their full name is “day barkles”).  Assembling at OPG, a peleton of  JR, KBS, PT and TK were met by a road-biking AM.  All agreed that a brek at the Marina in Littlehampton would be a fine thing, so off we set.  AM by an as yet unspecified road route, and the rest up to Chantry via Muntham, then south to Lee Farm and west to the gallops and down to Warningcamp.  En route just at the Budd Memorial the fist barkle of the day happened, as the long uxorial arm reached out and snatched Tim homeward. A unilateral domestic decision to reschedule the Kersley Social Calendar rendered the ride unviable for Tim, so farewells were made and a pelethree continued to Arundel while he made for Findon.
Arriving at Arundel, KBS was well in front, and the peleton was heading for the second barkle.  PT and JR proceeded through the town to the Ford Road roundabout, but saw no sign of KBS.  Despite telephonic contacts a rendezvous did not materialise, possible because both groups misunderstood where the other was.  PT and JR continued south to Ford, and shortly thereafter met AM.  This pelethree proceeded to the marina at Littlehampton, with a brief stop at mile 15 to wait for Kim and to search for Andy’s lost puncture patches (blown away by wind during a traumatic puncture repair session the previous day).  At the marina we received a message from KBS saying he was at Climping, from where he expressed an intention to return home.
Following a fine al fresco brek, PT and JR returned to Findon via Littlehampton seafront, Highdown, Holt Lane and Church Hill with no further barkles.  AM needed more road miles, and headed home probably via Shoreham.  His route and mileage are as yet unconfirmed (same for KBS) but it is hoped they both arrived safe home. PT and JR completed the following circuit:

Roy completed a half-dozen of Gentlemen riders on the day, with an outing in Hertfordshire:

JR adds to the report:

Just to set straight the record, as viewed from World HQ – not that the perfect texts above can be improved upon (just augmented):
1. It is worth saying that apart from the excellent differentiations created in the text above by the TM (day-barkling etc), actually the whole art form has been taken to new heights having been the subject of much background R&D work the previous day by the hero of our story, Mr. Andy Mead. As has been recorded by the TM (see above) and in his own submission, Andy had ridden on the Friday and experienced punctures whose lineage was questionable. When arriving at PG on the Saturday Andy (as have we all in the past), used the medium of expression that is the FGCC 10 minute rule as an outlet for his frustrations of the previous day – which BTW apparently also involved Mrs. Mead in recovery duties in a reprise of her act of mercy at the recent MW ride.
In effect, this has created the perfect pre-barkle, where someone turns up at a ride with a near-ready-made debacle, almost matured and ready to go. Whilst the fact that this was a  pre-barkle and a maturing debacle that had yet to manifest itself, it only required a visit to the scene of the crime (to enable PT and JR to do a finger-tip search for Andy’s missing puncture kit) for the pre-barkle to metamorphosise from just a good old fashioned bitch and moan to a full blown debacle. How come I hear you think …. well, as the patch-and-glue hunt was going on the Flying Brit was catalysing the situation by independently making his way to a brek stop slightly different to the one for which we were aiming, thereby completing the manoeuvre. All this was independently monitored by MA who, whilst recovering from injuries sustained on a BDN ride, was operating the controls of WhatsApp to record events as they unfolded and was manfully commenting on the various “where are you” texts that were taking to the airwaves.
In the past Mark A and Zach have attempted the pre-barkle by turning up at PG with important components missing for the ride ahead, but these problems have always been quickly resolved. However Andy and Kim between them have taken this art form to new heights.
2. World HQ analysts have also noted that the Club Historian’s account of his Suffolk ride singularly lacked match reports (as previously enjoyed) from village cricket grounds around the vacation vicinity and we trust that he will be taking in a few overs and updating us all soon.
A quiet start to the day here at World HQ.